To get my creative juices flowing before jumping into my next novel, I’ve decided to SongFic, as the kids call it. You could also lay some blame on South Park’s Tweek x Craig episode for this little experiment.
In this case, I’m using the supercharged, overwrought, mega cheesy, impossibly melodramatic songs by Jim Steinman as the soundtrack to what would be one helluva Broadway show.
Here’s the story: a young man (let’s call him Aaron) is sent from heaven to Earth to do battle with the forces of darkness that are sent up from hell to wreak havoc.
A young woman (let’s call her Eva), meanwhile, is sent up from hell where she is the gate keeper and go-between for the devil and his Earthbound minions.
Aaron is tired of the fight and ready to give it all up, while Eva is similarly disillusioned by her own mission. Needless to say (this is Broadway, after all) they fall in love with each other. Neither the forces of heaven or hell are very happy about this relationship disturbing the balance of things, and so the situation gets pretty crazy from there.
Let’s call this show Love & Damnation.
It’s worth noting that, while I’ve embedded the available videos for these songs from YouTube, you need to imagine them being performed by the characters in a sort of gothic-neo-noir setting and costumes.
We open with Bat Out Of Hell – performed by Eva and the Minions of Hell Choir singing & dancing about all the shit they’re going to kick up. This number’s purpose is the introduce Eva’s side of the story, and start things off on a fast note.
Next up, we go to Aaron and the Heavenly Souls Choir performing Nowhere Fast, one of the massively underrated songs written for the film Streets of Fire. I’m thinking there may just be one choir who changes costumes between each number, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, we see him going about his business of vanquishing demons, but feeling like none of it’s really accomplishing anything.
Fun combo number here as Eva and Aaron each separately go to their bosses – Satan and the archangel Michael, respectively – to lament their situations. Michael, Satan and the choirs of heaven and hell all respond with Life Is A Lemon And I Want My Money Back, to declare that everyone’s life is pretty crummy so they should just get over it.
After the flat out refusal from Michael to relieve him of his duties, Aaron decides to go rogue and wander off anyway. His singing of the ballad Heaven Can Wait draws Eva’s attention and so she decides to follow him on his walkabout.
After Aaron realizes that Eva is shadowing him, they finally meet, bond a bit, and break out the rollicking duet Dead Ringer For Love.
Things are good for a while, but Eva starts suspecting that the strength of her feelings for Aaron are not fully reciprocated. At which point Aaron recounts the origin story about how his beloved was killed by a demon which led him to take on the job of heaven’s bad ass slayer. This culminates in his singing Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad to try and explain things better.
Eva goes off on her own to reconsider her feelings to the tune of Total Eclipse Of The Heart. She begins to feel like it’s worth being with Aaron even if he doesn’t truly love her, but is too proud to go to him and say so.
Luckily, Aaron comes to his senses and realizes that it’s okay to love again and that he really does love Eva. He rushes back to her and, with the help of the Heavenly Souls Choir, performs I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That). By the end of which, Eva has embraced their love by singing the last part of the song.
Everything came together nicely and culminated with a bang, so now’s as good a time as any to have an Intermission to let the audience buy some astronomically overpriced candy and bottles of water. Maybe have a bit of a pee break too.
Aaron & Eva are happily in love on a hot summer night, hence You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth. Frolicking ensues.
Holding Out For A Hero is then sung by the Minions of Hell / Heavenly Souls Choir dressed up as people (Earthbound Choir) that Aaron and Eva are helping defeat the demons in their lives. Satan and Michael take note, and are not pleased with how this forbidden relationship is affecting the balance of the battle between heaven & hell. They strike up a deal to do something to restore balance.
When Eva and Aaron start performing Making Love Out Of Nothing At All they’re sharing a nice, tender moment. But Satan and Michael cast a spell on them, which makes them forget one another. The lovers part and wander off in opposite direction in a dreamlike daze.
Aaron reminisces about his life, death and rebirth as demon slayer while singing Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are. But the lost memory of something he can’t quite grasp sends waves of doubt through his mind and soul.
Eva is in the throes of a similar identity crisis but, with a little help from the Earthbound Choir, it all comes back to her now. First, she remember that she never actually deserved to go to hell. She was offered to the devil when she was born, and so truly owes him nothing. She then also remembers her love for Aaron, all of which is represented by her performance of It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.
Eva finds Aaron, and through the course of Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through she helps him remember their love. Once reunited, Satan & Michael drop by again to put the kibosh on things.
And so we roll right into Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young – the other great, forgotten song from Streets of Fire. The choir is split up into Heavenly Souls garb, Minion of Hell gear, and Earthbound attire. They all gang up this time to chase off the archangel and the devil by letting them know that love is truly the most powerful force on Earth, and in heaven or hell. Michael & Satan finally relent and let Eva & Aaron ride off together into the sunset to live happily ever after.
For anyone interested, you can find the full (theoretical) Love & Damnation Soundtrack at my Spotify playlist here.
Also, see if you can find me a millionaire to bankroll this bad boy.