Two of my favorite shows on TV recently wrapped their latest seasons. Well, technically Stranger Things has not yet wrapped season four, but the seven episodes that Netflix dropped in-advance of two more in July is close enough to constitute a season to help me make my point. Barry, meanwhile, actually did air its season three finale this past Sunday. While you may not think those two shows have very much in-common, there is one thing that links them: Their willingness to evolve when the situation demands it.
Spoiler Warning for Stranger Things Season 4 Part 1 and Barry Season 3
I’ll start with Stranger Things. The first three season of the show was, at its core, a show about kids. Unless you want to get super dark, shows (and stories in-general) about kids has a limit to how much true danger the kids find themselves in. Sure, some adults and ancillary teenagers have gotten killed on Stranger Things, but that’s different than having your primary characters – who happen to be children – suffering such a fate.
Now, the season three finale featured the death of a more central character than any of the previous episodes. Billy Hargrove, wicked stepbrother to Max Mayfield, had been possessed by the Mind Flayer and essentially fed it a bunch of people to turn it into a giant fleshy semi-kaiju. But, in the end, he managed to break his mind free, and died saving the life of Eleven. In some way, this signaled a turning point with the showrunners saying “No one is truly safe anymore.”
With a nearly two-year break between seasons three and four, the kids have grown into full-blown teens. Suffice to say, Teen Horror plays by different rules than Kids Horror. The Duffer Brother realized this, and drove season four straight into The Horror Zone. The new villain, Vecna, has a horrifying origin, and even more horrifying manner of claiming his victims – something between Freddy Krueger and Sadako/Samar from Ringu/The Ring. Max, who I mentioned earlier, landed right in Vecna’s crosshairs and needed the power of Kate Bush to escape. But my point is that, due to the need to escalate threats and endanger its now-teenage primary characters, the show evolved into something that can better utilize all the tools at its disposal.
For its first two seasons, Barry was a dark comedy about a hitman trying to leave the killing business behind while building a life for himself as a Hollywood actor. Or, at the very least, a guy taking an acting class and not killing people. It managed to sustain this even after the titular character murdered his old army buddy, and Detective Janice Moss who also happened to be the love of his acting teacher/idol’s Gene Cousineau’s life in order to keep the sins of his past a secret. But, again, the prior season hit a turning point that there was no turning back from.
By the end of season two, Barry Berkman had become obsessed with finding and murdering his former handler (and twisted father figure) Monroe Fuchs. This led Barry to a monastery where three separate gangs have met and called a truce, including the Chechens – who Barry helped train at the behest of his friend(?) NoHo Hank. But, with his bloodlust at a boil, Barry charged into the monastery and single-handedly wiped out almost every single person inside. Fuchs (who’s probably really more of a twisted uncle figure than twisted father figure now that I think about it) managed to escape, but the damage from unleashing his inner killing machine had nonetheless doomed Barry.
To their credit, Bill Hader and the creative team realized that it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense for Barry to go back to his acting class. Especially since Fuchs had told Cousineau that Barry was the one who murdered Janice. So, the show had to evolve, and it did so by having Barry re-commit to his unfortunate true calling as a killer-for-hire. This broke Barry in ways that he wasn’t already broken in (and he was already very broken) and the tone of the show shifted to reflect that. Season Three was probably the least funny (thought there were certainly still some laugh out loud scenes), and yet it may have been the best top-to-bottom season yet. In fact, I have a hard time remembering any single season of a show besides Breaking Bad that maintained such an intensity and persistent sense of dread throughout. On top of that, the events of the season three finale set the stage to evolve once again in season four, and I, personally, cannot wait to see what it becomes next.
Many shows that start out strong allow themselves to stagnate in the mire of status quo. Considering how much content is demanding our attention from networks and streamers in this modern Darwinist landscape of television, Stranger Things and Barry have wisely evolved to survive.
I’m of the opinion that The Batman is the best live action Batman movie ever made.
To be clear, anytime anyone says something is “the best” it is a purely subjective statement. I’m going to make my case but, if you happen to read this post and disagree, I’ll thank you to not lambaste me about how very wrong I am, and I shall extend you the same courtesy.
One more point to clear is that my take is stating that The Batman is the best, top-to-bottom, live action Batman movie. That does not mean that every part of it is better than every part of previous Batman movies. For example, I still believe that Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker in The Dark Knight is the best performance in a Batman film, and that Danny Elfman’s score used in Batman – Batman Returns – Batman Forever – Batman & Robin is still the best score.
I’m also, at this point, going to stop referring to them as “live action” Batman movies. While I enjoyed many of the animated films, I like to consider animated films in-general on a different scale than live action films. Neither is better or worse, they’re just different. In this case, I just want to focus on live action. And THAT was the last time I’ll use the adjective in this post.
My relationship to Batman as an intellectual property starts where a lot of people’s does: I was ten-years-old when Batman ’89 came out. My mom waited in line with me on opening night for several hours, so long in fact, that we ended up getting tickets to an 11pm showing. God bless mom for letting me stay up that late in a theater at that age. I memorized every word, and every beat of action. Needless to say, it was my favorite movie for the ensuing five-to-ten-years. That emotional connection that I had during my formative years has made it very difficult for me to view Batman ’89 through anything other than rose-colored nostalgia glasses.
I started reading Batman comics at that point, which led to me reading a great many more comics (DC and Marvel and Image and Valiant). So, I have Batman to thank for preparing me for the Geek Renaissance of the 21st century. But that’s a whole other topic. I also sought out Batman: The Movie from 1966, and the whole run of that TV show. Even as a kid, it seemed “too kiddie” for me and had nothing to do with the Batman I had seen in the theater and was reading about in my monthly comic pulls.
I loved Batman Returns when it came out, it’s still one of my favorite Christmas movies. I didn’t hate Batman Forever at first, but I was sixteen at the time, so it certainly made me wary. Batman & Robin was an absolute disaster, and nineteen-year-old me knew it almost immediately. Then there was a break in Batman movies. A seven-year break. In that time there were a handful of good comic book movies, and a bunch of bad ones. Then, Warner Brothers decided it was time to get back in the Big Screen Bat Business.
Batman Begins presented a much better origin story than Batman ’89 and, while it was much better than the Joel Schumacher films, 26-year-old me still had it neck-and-neck with the Tim Burton films. The Dark Knight came out three years later and – nostalgia glasses or not – I immediately knew this was the best Batman movie. The Dark Knight Rises came out the same year as Marvel’s The Avengers, and couldn’t measure up to the first two movies in Christopher Nolan’s trilogy or what Marvel Studios had been cooking up in their lead up to – and everything since – 2012.
In 2016 we got Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice. Even at 37 years-old I was super-psyched to finally see those two characters, not to mentioned Wonder Woman, share the big screen. When I heard it would feature Ben Affleck playing an older Batman, I got my hopes up that we would be playing the same Bruce Wayne/Batman from the Nolan trilogy. I was more-than-ready for a true unified DC Movie Universe. This ended up being the most disappointed I had ever been in a superhero movie due, in large part, to my sky high expectations. In hindsight, BvS was better than the Schumacher films, but not nearly as good as any of the Burton or Nolan films. And I say that as someone who also found The Dark Knight Rises to be something of a disappointment.
Justice League came the year after, in 2017, and was bad. The Justice League Snyder Cut premiered on HBO Max in 2021 was was slightly less bad than the theatrically released Whedon Cut. But this was around the time when we started getting real details on the new film: The Batman.
I’m 43 years-old this year, and I still get pumped when a new MCU Movie comes out as Marvel Studios has proven that they know how to deliver the goods (almost) every time. But, with The Batman, my first instinct was a bit more skeptical. After the Snyder films, I lost faith in DC/WB’s ability to make a good Batman movie. If I’m being honest, some of that doubt started creeping in back in 2012.
I also started feeling those Amazing Spider-Man vibes (2012 was sure a mixed bag when it came to comic book movies), as it seemed a little too soon to reboot the entire franchise. In 2007, Spider-Man 3 ended the Sam Raimi series on a very ambiguous note. But I was ready to see Peter Parker/Spider-Man finally be an adult superhero. At the time, I thought Andrew Garfield would be playing the same version of Spidey as Tobey Maguire had played. Much like with Batman V Superman, I was mistaken. Ever since Spider-Man No Way Home came out in December Andrew Garfield has finally gotten proper credit for playing a good Peter Parker/Spider-Man in a pair of otherwise not good movies. However, this precedent was not an encouraging one when applied to The Batman.
That being said, the details of the movie started to give me some hope. I don’t really have a history with Robert Pattinson. I watched Twilight once on TV about fifteen years ago and only saw him in a few other films (none Twilight-related) since then. So, he was an unknown to me. The rest of the cast looked solid with Zoe Kravitz, Jefferey Wright, Paul Dano, Colin Farrell, John Turturro, and Andy Serkis rounding it out.
The last actor on that list led me to the biggest nugget of hope. Serkis had previously worked with Matt Reeves on two of the new Planet of the Apes movies. Those movies are awesome, and Serkis is awesome in them (even behind all that mo-cap). In addition to Dawn of the the Planet of the Apes and War for the Planet of the Apes Reeves had directed two other movies that I really liked: Cloverfield and Let Me In. When it was revealed that The Batman would take place in year two of the titular character’s caped crusade, I was relieves that at least we wouldn’t get a warmed over Batman Begins re-hash.
Still, I went into the theater with very level expectations. Not necessarily low, but also certainly not high. I found myself shocked by just how much I enjoyed The Batman. As with many others, I came out of the theater considering just how it stacked up against the previous iterations. Imagine my surprise when I found myself thinking that it was, pound-for-pound, the best Batman movie I had ever seen.
Spoiler Warning For The Batman
Here’s how I measured The Batman up against the previous movies.
Batman/Bruce Wayne – There’s not much of a difference between the two in The Batman, but that seems like it was purposefully done to show that he was still learning how to be “Bruce Wayne” in public. But Pattison’s Batman makes a strong case for my personal favorite.
I was a long time Michael Keaton guy, for reasons noted above. And I found Christian Bale’s portrayal riveting in its own way. But Pattinson’s Batman gets to be a character, even when wearing the mask. He actually talks to people, rather than just grunts and growls about how he is vengeance (though he does say that) or he is the night. Unlike in any previous films, this Batman is actually a detective. That being the case, he’s required to actually have conversations with James Gordon, Selina Kyle, and Alfred Pennyworth. This is really much more true to the comic book than any previous movie characterizations.
He also seems like the most human Batman. As much as he’s figuring out how to be “Bruce Wayne”, he’s also not yet perfected being “Batman” and we get to take that journey with him. He has some great moments with James Gordon, Selina Kyle, and Alfred. But he also comes across as an empathetic person, most notably with the wordless exchanges he has with the young son of The Riddler’s first murder victim. This brings us to the next two categories.
Allies – I’m talking about Gordon, Selina, and Alfred primarily here. Gary Oldman was a great James Gordon, but I felt that Jeffrey Wright tackled the role in a way that worked better for me. The spin he put on Gordon as a homicide detective so fed up with corruption and ineptitude that he embraces a masked vigilante whose name he doesn’t even know like his best friend and only reliable partner. Wright and Pattinson have a great interpersonal dynamic that has a sort of old fashioned buddy cop vibe.
I was introduced to Michelle Pfeiffer’s seductive, dangerous, and vaccuum-sealed-in-black-vinyl Catwoman when I was 13-years-old. Needless to say, she left an impression. The Jekyll-And-Hyde act was fun in Batman Returns, but Zoe Kravitz got to play a more fully-formed character. She steals to help her friend, but also to get back at her absentee mafiosa father (who killed her mother). Her chemistry with Pattinson, playing two wounded souls not really looking for a connection but finding one out of necessity, was a home run as well.
Andy Serkis’ Alfred had more in-common with Michael Caine’s exasperated version than Michael Gough’s grandfatherly figure. We never got to spend enough time with Jeremy Iron’s more sardonic interpretation for him to make much of a dent on the public consciousness. But Serkis got to have a better arc than any of those other Alfreds. This was helped by him being the caretaker of a big secret that Thomas and Martha Wayne had, and he felt obligated to protect Bruce from. But Serkis and Pattison have a scene where the revelation of this truth allows them to finally open up to one another, and admit the strong familial bond that was always there under the surface.
Enemies – Here we can talk about The Riddler, Carmine Falcone, The Penguin, and the slew of nameless thugs that get thrown at Batman.
The Riddler takes Bane’s crown (The Dark Knight Rises Bane, not the bloated oaf from Batman & Robin) as the scariest Batman movie villain. Heath Ledger’s Joker could have been in the running, but he had a sort of charismatic magnetism that made it hard to look away. Paul Dano’s Riddler is harder to watch, as he spastically attacks his victims while making Leatherface-style grunt and squeals. He’s not a guy you’d ever want to spend even two minutes with. Ledger’s Joker could probably talk you into hanging out just long enough for him to kill you, while you’d do everything in your power to avoid eye contact with this Riddler – in or out of his mask. He also has a connection to extremist QA’non types on his Dark Web channel, which means his henchmen the scariest to date as well. Riddler is presented in most scenes like a true horror movie villain, which is also a first for Batman movies.
John Turturro plays Falcone like the creepily charming friend-of-your-parents who only lets on what he wants you to know about him while hiding almost everything else behind a dark pair of sunglasses. He’s the lynchpin of the organized crime angle in The Batman, which is similar to The Dark Knight’s take. But it feels little more legitimate here, both in the way the characters are presented and the places they hang out – most notably The Iceberg Lounge feels like a place you’d stumble across in a back alley and be promptly beaten and chased off the premises by the doormen.
Penguin has only a few scenes, but Colin Farrell makes the most of them. He doesn’t steal the show, but he does justify his place in it. He’s got more flair than Falcone, and less psychosis than Riddler. In the end, he’s set-up as the natural next evolution of a Gotham City gangster.
The best place to discuss the slew of nameless thugs is actually in the next section.
Action Sequences – It took less than ten minutes for The Batman to prove that it would have better hand-to-hand combat fight scenes than any of its predecessors. By the end of the movie, it wasn’t even close. Not many fight scenes spring to mind when thinking about Batman movies. Maybe the Batman vs Catwoman flirt fight from Batman Returns? Or the first Batman vs Bane fight from The Dark Knight Rises? One of the only good scenes from Batman V Superman was the brief battle when Batman took out a warehouse full of bad guys to save Martha Kent, but even that was just one scene.
There are several scenes in The Batman where the caped crusader throws down with henchmen and thugs. Every one of them is better choreographed, and better shot than anything from the earlier films. It helps that this Bat-Costume is actually functional, so Batman can actually move the way someone would in a real fight.
Now, granted, there’s not really any spectacular action set piece. But, let’s be honest, a lot of the time those sorts of scenes end up hurting superhero movies more than helping them. The car chase is pretty bad ass, as is the Batmobile. At one point, Batman escapes from police custody by (reluctantly) leaping off the top of the tallest police station you’ll ever see after converting his suit into a glider. The great thing about this scene is that Batman can barely control his flight, and ends up wiping out in a very painful manner when he tried to stick the landing. His embarrassed, post-crash hobble off into a dark alley was the most relatable Batman has ever been.
Even the big finish works, because it feels like the sort of terrorist attack that could happen tomorrow. It involves using explosives to flood the street of Gotham City, forcing people to take shelter in Gotham Square Garden where Riddler’s cult has gathered in the rafters with high-powered assault rifles. Living in a country were mass shooting happen all too frequently made this hit a little too close to home. But I’d be lying if I said watching Batman beat the sh*t out of those guys didn’t feel damn good.
Bat-Tech – The Batman’s world is a grounded one, even by the standard set by Nolan’s trilogy. So, the tech that Batman uses is pretty basic (by Batman’s standards). His suit does seem like the most functional one, and he seems to have a full range of motion. Hell, he can even turn his head. Which explains the high collar, as it hides the flexible neck piece. The suit is armored, but more aesthetically pleasing than Christian Bale’s mishmash of plates.
The bat symbol itself isn’t quite as prevalent as Michael Keaton’s iconic yellow-and-black, but its more pronounced than most other versions. Also, despite rumors that Pattinson’s symbol was made by deconstructing the gun used to kill his parents, it’s actually a double-edged utility knife than comes in very handy a few times in the movie’s third act.
Pattinson’s suit does come with some other very cool amenities. There is a taser build into one of the gloves, and a Bat-Grapnel that pops out from his gauntlets whenever needed. There’s also the aforementioned ability of his cape to transform into a glider.
The Batmobile is a nasty, bat-out-of-hell muscle car. It’s got flashing lights, and growls like a monster in a dark cave before the attack. Not as sleek as Keaton’s, nor as tank-like as Bale’s or Affleck’s, but still a really sweet ride that is put to good use when chasing down The Penguin.
The last, and most high-tech, gadget is a pair of contact lenses that record everything Batman sees while wearing them. It’s a very clever device that explains how Batman can work on a case without having access to police files. I’m kind of surprised that no one thought to use something like them before, but they are the tool of a detective, and make all the sense in the world for the first real Batman-As-Detective movie.
Gotham City – More of a non-descript cityscape in the Nolan mold than Burton’s operatic, Expressionist wonderland, The Batman’s Gotham City was not especially memorable. The advantage it had over most previous versions, though, is that it feels more genuinely lived-in. We see the interiors of different buildings, and each is distinct in its own way. Being able to see the characters move and interact inside these locations does make one feel more immersed in the world.
This is more of a compliment for the cinematography than the setting itself, but the beginning of the movie sets a real shadow world vibe. In Batman’s voiceover, another new touch that made the movie feel more true to the comics, he admits that the city is too big for him to be everywhere. But a short montage of criminals staring with fear at dark corners, dark alleys, and dark stairwells emphasizes Batman’s other point that his the fear he instills comes from the fact that – even though he can’t be everywhere – no one knows where exactly he is either. In some ways, that’s almost as good as being everywhere at once.
End Spoilers For The Batman
I‘m going to wrap things up with my new personal ranking of Batman films. Take it or leave it, as I said in the beginning, these things are always subjective. But here we go:
The Batman The Dark Knight Batman Returns Batman Begins Batman ’89 The Dark Knight Rises Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice Justice League: The Snyder Cut Batman Forever Batman: The Movie (1966) Justice League: The Whedon Cut Batman & Robin
With The Matrix: Resurrections coming in December, I figured it was a good time to re-watch the original trilogy. I loved the first movie ever since it first came out back in 1999, and have re-watched it many times. But it’s probably been a good 10-15 years since I re-watched Reloaded or Revolutions. I always felt that the sequels being as sub-par as they were ended up hurting the first movie in retrospect. Trading in the fairly straightforward narrative with a bunch of pseudo-philosophy didn’t work very well for me at 20 years-old, but I figured it might work better for 40 year-old me. Here’s what I found.
The Matrix – Still an all-time sci-fi-action classic. We’ve seen the enhanced fight scene countless times since 1999 in action films, and especially in comic book adaptations. Sure, some of the fight choreography comes off as a little stilted and over-planned when held up against some of the extremely high level stuff that’s made it to the mainstream since then. Also, the lobby shoot-out featuring our heroes wearing long, black coats and killing without remorse hits differently after witnessing the tragedy and horror of mass shootings far too many times in this country. But everything in this movie else just works.
The story of a beautiful stranger leading you out of the doldrums of your underwhelming life. A wise mage teaching you to see the world in an exciting new way. The idea that you are the Chosen One who can save the world. Practically-speaking, most of the effects still hold up. Whatever CGI that was used was well-blended into everything else happening on-screen. And everything from Neo finally choosing to stand and fight Agent Smith – an unstoppable opponent – in the subway, through Neo himself becoming an even more unstoppable opponent in the end still resonates, and gets the adrenaline pumping. Neo flying into the sky after warning the machines that he was going to destroy the Matrix from the inside is still a hell of a mic drop.
The Matrix: Reloaded – This was actually quite a bit better than I’d remembered it being. Yes, the Wachowskis’ started laying in the whole philosophical free-will-vs-determinism more heavily, but not enough to really sidetrack things. The story still moves along ay a nice pace, and the big action sequences still work a lot more than they don’t. However, it’s when they don’t work that you start to see things stretching at the seams. The fight between Neo and the army of Agent Smiths starts out awesome but, about halfway through the fight, the CGI gets much heavier, and clumsier. Neo’s and the Smiths’ clothing, and movements look very Playstation 1 quality, while their faces take a detour into the Uncanny Valley. This is still a cool scene, but the bad CGI took me out of the moment more than anything in the first film did.
The big car chase is the other major set-piece, and it is also mostly awesome. The phasing ability of the Twins – the Merovingian’s main henchmen – are utilized very cleverly. And it was great to see Morpheus have his own chance to take out an Agent after taking a beating by Smith in the first film. This scene also did a good job of showing how Neo’s growing belief in himself, leads other to believe in themselves just as strongly. But then the bad CGI strikes again, most egregiously when the poorly-rendered Agent jumps – again in super slow motion – onto a car like it’s a trampoline, and launches himself onto the top of a semi-truck to fight Morpheus. One could lay the blame on the state of CGI in 2003, which was clearly nowhere near as advanced as it is in 2021, but its issues could have been hidden better by using it in a more darkened setting, and not in mega-slow-motion.
The bigger problem with Reloaded was introducing a whole new cast of character in Zion, and trying to make the audience care about them. Frankly, the real world is the least interesting aspect of this series, and we’ll discuss how that hurt Revolutions even more when we get there. Maybe they could have put Morpheus on the Council to makes us care more about that aspect of things, but then you’re benching your best character in hopes of having him elevate the weaker scenes. I’m sure there’s a draft of the script where Morpheus plays exactly that role, but it was probably better to end up where they did.
To my surprise, though, Reloaded worked more than it didn’t. Even the droning talking heads scene where the Architect drop a ton of exposition explaining that Neo is only the latest in a long line of “Chosen Ones” and that the machines have destroyed Zion several times already in the past before “resetting” the world was more interesting to me this time around. In part because Neo managing to fry the Squidies at the end was very effective in raising his power level to the point where he could conceivably take out the Source and win the war, and end the cycle, once and for all.
The Matrix: Revolutions – This is where is really all went wrong for me. The failures of Revolutions actually diminished my opinion of Reloaded without me even realizing it. I mentioned the real world being the least interesting thing about the previous film. The first major problem is that about 75% of Revolutions’ run time takes place in the real world. Also, the inhabitants of Zion still never moved the needle for me, even having been introduced to most of them in Reloaded. The Squidies’ attack on Zion, and the humans’ using mechs with giant machine guns is a pretty cool action scene that ends up hitting the same one-note for most of the third act, which makes it feel weirdly static after a couple of cuts back to it.
But the real deal-breaker for me is still the way things turn out for Neo and the Source. The Wachowskis made something of an attempt to humanize (for lack of a better term) the AI in the Matrix by introducing a family of two programs who apparently had a baby program together. It lasted for all of one undercooked scene, and did not manage to form any emotional connection between myself and the machines.
Neo goes to the Machine City to seek out the Source and end the war. Trinity travel with him, only to be killed when their hovercraft crashes – which is amongst the least cool ways to kill off an iconic character. Neo then reaches the Source and offers a truce. Neo offers to take out Smith, who has grown into a virus that the matrix cannot cleanse itself of, in-exchange for leaving Zion alone. The Source agrees, and Neo does his part by seemingly sacrificing himself to stop Smith and reset the Matrix. At that point, the Source calls off its attack on Zion. Yes, Zion was under siege at the time, so Neo had to do what he could to stop that. But, to me, this was like a person making a peace treaty with a bullet.
Aside from the five minutes spent with the Program Family, the machines’ whole reason for existing seems to be hunting, enslaving, and devouring humankind. My problem here is that I don’t see how there could ever be lasting peace between two parties when one party retains all of the power, and that party actually needs to consume the other party to ensure its continued survival. The machines wiped out Zion a number of times before and, aside from the one job that they needed Neo to do for them, they could still wipe out the rest of humankind at pretty much any time they feel it is necessary. The only thing keeping this from happening is the assurance of an Artificial Intelligence for whom, by-definition, morals and ethics do not exist.
I ended up feeling the same way this time as I did 15 years ago: That, when Neo came face-to-“face” with the Source, he should have used the new power he demonstrated at the end of Reloaded to destroy the Source. Presumably, this would lead to the collapse of Machine City, the widespread deactivation of the machines, the destruction of the matrix, and the only real chance humanity would have to escape enslavement and re-claim the world.
I’ll be watching The Matrix: Resurrections when it hits theaters in December. I’m hoping it can offer a better resolution than Revolutions did, but I’m not overly-confident that it will. Revolutions was bad and, sadly, it being bad defeats the purpose of watching Reloaded since they are essentially two parts of the same film. But that first movie, The Matrix, is still worth revisiting again and again. Maybe, if we’re lucky, Resurrections can live up to its title, and earn Reloaded and Revolutions a second chance at redemption.
I spent some time as a bartender about 20 years ago. It was something I trained for, and I even got a certification in Mixology. During the two-week course I learned many different formulas for many different cocktails, some more exacting than the others. One of the least exacting, if not THE least, was the Long Island Iced Tea.
The general rule was to pour a big glass of sweetened iced tea, and then just dump a bunch of whiskey, vodka, rum, gin, tequila, or whatever else you happened to have lying around into it. As long as the tea was sweet enough to dominate the flavor palate, it really didn’t matter what sort of brain-melting, toxic brew you added to the glass.
Every time I prepared this drink for a customer, or ordered it for myself, the goal was never anything more or less than to get super f’n drunk. By and large, the Long Island Iced Tea accomplished this goal even if the flavor sensors had no real idea what to make of the elixir that had just been inflicted upon them. The sensation I felt while watching Malignant on HBO Max was very similar.
I’m going to get into big time spoilers below, so consider this your warning.
Director James Wan is most well known for his part in creating the “Conjuring Universe” and played no small part in the wave of small-budget-but-legitimately-good horror films beginning when he directed the first Saw movie. Yes, he also direct a Fast And Furious film and Aquaman, but his calling card remains these smaller films. When one hears that Wan was making a move called Malignant, one can’t help but group them in with his other films The Conjuring and – more specifically – Insidious. But, much like the first 30 minutes of this film, that is merely a smokescreen. Malignant is the Long Island Iced Tea of horror films, because it is a mash-up of at least three different types of horror movies.
The first act of the film plays like a ghost story, which is well-tread ground for Wan and his creative team. There is a prologue at a spooky asylum not dissimilar to a haunted castle. There is our main character, Madison, whose abusive husband is murdered by a shadowy figure that moves in seemingly impossible ways. The lights in her house begin flickering once she returns from the hospital after her own injuries are healed. And she begins seeing specters out of the corner of her eye. All traditional ghost movie tropes.
But the second act changes things. As more people are murdered, and these people have a common link to the asylum in the prologue, we can clearly see a physical entity is brutally killing them. Madison begins receiving threatening phone calls from a mysterious person who calls himself “Gabriel” at which time you, as a viewer, may begin to understand that this was not a ghost story. My interpretation at the time was that Gabriel was a psychic projection that Madison was unwillingly harboring. And, so I begin watching the movie more as a Jekyll & Hyde story than a ghost story. At this point, my interest was piqued, as there had been far fewer Jekyll & Hyde adaptations than ghost movies in the past decade or two. But that also only lasts for another 30 or 40 minutes before Malignant takes on its Final Form.
Act Three begins with Madison being arrested for the murders when a mysterious woman falls through her ceiling while she’s being interviewed by police detectives. This surprises her as much as any them or her sister, Sydney, who has been doing her best to help Madison cope with all the craziness. Madison is taken into custody, and locked inside a holding cell with fifteen or twenty other people. While a few of them being to smack her around, Sydney makes her way to the creepy asylum to grab Madison’s old medical files. Turns out, Madison was born “Emily” and committed to the asylum by her teenaged mother – the mysterious woman who Gabriel/Emily took captive and fell through the ceiling. And this is where the viewer hits the bottom of his first Long Island Iced Tea, and orders up another.
Turns out that Gabriel is real, he was a tumor/conjoined twin attached to Madison/Emily’s back who shared a brain with her and made her do bad things. Gabriel/Emily also has some sort of psychic power that explains how he can speak through phones and radios, and blow up the lightbulbs in the house. But wait, there’s more!
As revealed from old VHS tapes that Sydney finds, the doctors from the prologue – who Gabriel was murdering – performed a surgery where they removed Gabriel’s underdeveloped arms, legs, torso, and most of his head from Emily’s body. This is shown in an extremely gruesome montage. The problem was that, due to them sharing a brain, there was just a little bit of Gabriel’s face remaining on the back of Emily’s head. So, naturally, the doctors pushed that little bit into Emily’s skull, and somehow that left Gabriel in a dormant state until Emily/Madison’s husband cracked a wall with her head at the beginning of the film.
“That’s pretty nuts,” you might be thinking. And you’d be right, but you’d be wrong to assume that it couldn’t possibly get even more nuts when they finally show us the full transformation – werewolf movie style! While taking a beating in the holding cell, Gabriel (or what little is physically left of him) physically emerges out of the back of Emily/Madison’s skull. Gabriel, now in-control of the body, then snaps all of his (their?) limbs backwards to fall in-line with his face (more or less). So, now everything he does is contorted and in-reverse, which makes for quite the discombobulated viewing experience. After that brief foray into Cronenbergian body horror, Malignant becomes a Terminator or Predator movie in the home stretch.
Gabriel somehow has super-strong-backward-murder-ninja skills. How, or why, is not discussed or frankly relevant once you’ve gone this far into this batsh*t insane movie. Much like after chugging that Long Island Iced Tea, you’re now fully along for the ride, and there’s not much you can do about it. Gabriel slaughters the twenty people in the holding cell, breaks out, and then murders the twenty cops left in the police station with fairly minimal effort. Now, when I say “slaughter” and “murder” I want to be clear that these killings are both balletic and bloody. Much of the stunt work was done by a contortionist, and that honestly makes me appreciate the film more than if it had all be CGI. But Gabriel is a whirling dervish of a murder machine, and the fight scenes in the holding cell and police station are amongst the most original and visceral that have come along in quite some time.
Gabriel is eventually stopped when he tries to kill Sydney and Emily/Madison’s mother and Emily/Madison re-takes control of her body. She then locks Gabriel away in her mind, presumably until he’s needed for the eventual sequel where he’ll probably be used as more of an anti-hero. Which, by the way, is a movie I would definitely sign up for. Although, in another never-explained revelation, Gabriel was apparently feeding on the life energy of Madison’s unborn children, causing her to have several miscarriages, so maybe “anti-hero” is not really in his future.
Like the morning after a Long Island Iced Tea bender, you may not know what the hell happened in Malignant, but you’ll somehow know that you had a fun time. The benefit that the film has over the bender, though, is that it will surely return you home, safe and sound. You’ll also probably have less of a hangover.
This will be my review of Godzilla vs Kong, so be warned that there will be spoilers-a-plenty below.
One thing that is not really a spoiler is that the movie is told primarily thought Kong’s perspective and he is, in every measurable way, the main protagonist of the film. The movie follows him around, and gives him the biggest story arc. While Godzilla shows up throughout the movie to do Godzilla things, it’s clear that Kong is the audience surrogate, which somewhat miraculously works really well. As such, I’ll be writing this review mainly through Kong’s perspective.
When we last saw Kong, it was was 1970’s, and he was left to his own devices on Skull Island. But thing have changed a lot since then, and we get some details about those changes through expository dialogue. As you may recall from Kong: Skull Island, there was a massive superstorm that surrounded the island, while never really making landfall. Apparently, that changed, and the storm began tearing up the island itself. In order to keep Kong safe for observation, Monarch (the Kaiju experts from previous Monsterverse films) built a giant dome around a section of Skull Island.
This makes sense in that Kong can remain, more or less, in his natural habitat while the scientists observe him. It would also be extremely dangerous to move Kong anywhere else where he might encounter humans, other potential collateral damage, or even threats. The biggest such threat would be the reigning, and defending, King of the Monsters World Heavyweight Champion: Godzilla. Old Zilla claimed the title by defeating King Ghidorah a few years prior, leading to many surviving Titans literally bowing to him at the end of Godzilla: King Of The Monsters. As the opening credits inform us via bits and pieces of news reports, Godzilla has been putting a whooping on any dissident Titans between the end of that movie and the beginning of this one.
Anyway, we see Kong’s morning routine of waking up, yawning, scratching his butt, taking a shower in a waterfall, and chatting with his best friend. His best friend happens to be a little girl with whom Kong communicates via sign language. But he’s no dope, he knows that he’s domed in, and makes his displeasure known by uprooting trees, twisting them into giant spears, and hurling those giant spears through the top of the dome. Clearly, he’s not happy about being kept in an enclosure like some zoo animal. All this aside, the little girl and her scientist mother do have Kong’s best interests at-heart.
Apex Industries, a mutli-billion-dollar tech company, have something else in-mind for Kong. To cut to the chase: Apex wants to be able to stand against Godzilla, and other Titans, by building one of their own: Mecha-Godzilla. Their creation is a technological marvel and nightmare, that is piloted using the psychic connection between two of Ghidora’s heads – which were conveniently available after his last tango with Godzilla. Essentially. Mecha-Godzilla requires a shit-ton of power to run, and Apex has located a source of seemingly limitless energy in the Hollow Earth.
Most people believe Hollow Earth is just a myth, as no one has successfully ventured there. But Apex enlists a disgraced expert on the subject, who’s brother died during the last attempt to reach Hollow Earth, to guide them to their destination. As it happens, the core of the Hollow Earth theory is that it is the origin point for all Titans, so they are able to sell the Monarch team on Skull Island on the idea that bringing Kong there is what’s best for the big fella himself. Allowing him to finally go back to his true home which, as it turns out, is pretty much Kong’s entire motivation through the film.
Next thing we know, Kong is heavily-sedated, and chained to a cargo freighter en route across the sea to Antarctica, where they believe the entrance to Hollow Earth can be found by following Kong following his genetic memory. They chart a course away from Godzilla’s usual territorial beat in hopes to avoid an incident. Naturally, said incident is not avoided at all. Godzilla attacks the boats, destroying most of them, before attempting to drown a drugged and chained Kong by capsizing the freighter. The scientists manage to free Kong, and allow him to fight back. But the ocean is Godzilla’s home field, so the already-groggy Kong can’t do much other than survive the fight before the remaining ships “play dead” in order to get Godzilla to leave them be.
Things are not going great for Kong, as he was dragged off his island, and across the ocean on a trip he does not want to take, and then jumped by Godzilla. This is the first of their three-round fight, but hardly counts since the playing field was far from even. It was more like the pro-wrestling angle where one guy cracks another guy from behind with a steel chair the week before their big pay per view match.
Team Kong arrives in Antarctica, where the big guy wakes up in the freezing cold, looking as miserable as can be. This is a sentiment that any reasonable person (or gargantuan ape) can equally relate to. The team gets Kong’s little girl buddy to tell him to go down the largest, darkest hole ever with the promise that he might find some family down there. Kong happily obliged as, if nothing else, it’s got to be warmer down there than is was outside. And, again, the poor guy really just wants to find a nice home to settle into. The scientists follow him, and end up in Hollow Earth.
Hollow Earth looks a lot like a much, much bigger Skull Island, and Kong looks to be happy for the first time in the movie. There are a few giant-bat-snake-monsters that attack the humans, but Kong easily takes them out. Therein lies, perhaps, the biggest different between Godzilla and Kong: Kong has people he actually cares for, and wants to protect, while Godzilla just wants to defeat every other Titan in order to remain the apex predator. Aside from Godzilla’s atomic blast breath, this mindset is probably Zilla’s biggest competitive advantage.
While in Hollow Earth, we also get glimpses of some other – less openly hostile – kaiju as Kong makes his way to his ancestral Kongston Abbey. He finds some ginormous doors to go through, a really cool glowing axe, and even a throne fit for a King (Kong). His ancestors seem to have been the rulers of Hollow Earth, and Kong makes himself at home. Finally, it seems that everyone will let Kong do Kong.
No sooner does he settle in, though, than Godzilla invades Hong Kong, where they are keeping Mecha-Godzilla. Kong, again, has no interest in fighting. But Godzilla is a real asshole through most of this movie, looking to pick fights with whomever might challenge his reign. Apex fits this description, but Kong just wants to kick back, and do his thing. Godzilla, however, pulls a major dick move and uses his atomic blast breath to blow a hole deep into the ground, and through the roof of Kongston Abbey. Leaving Kong no choice but to lay a smackdown of his own on the legendary lizard. With axe in-hand, Kong is able to put Zilla on his ass for a while, winning round two. Or, round one of their first legitimate fight, if you’re not counting Godzilla’s previous heel sneak attack.
Godzilla manages to get back to his feet again, but Kong is waiting to get the drop on him. It’s a pretty brutal fight, during which Kong looses his equalizing axe and, subsequently, the fight. Godzilla roars in his face to demand Kong surrender, but Kong bows to no one, and roars a big “Eff You!” right back at his opponent. But, the damage is already done, and Kong cannot continue the fight. So, Godzilla gives him a nod of begrudging respect, and takes his leave.
Unfortunately for everyone, Apex was sent a chunk of the Hollow Earth power source, and used it to send Mecha-Godzilla into overdrive. The influx of limitless energy kills the pilot, and seems to reawaken Ghidorah’s consciousness in Mecha-Godzilla. The Rumbling Robot takes to the streets of Hong Kong, and begins absolutely wiping the floor with Godzilla. Team Kong has noticed during all this, that Kong is dying. So, they use an energy burst from one of the high-tech ships they flew to Hollow Earth in to kickstart his heart.
So, the big fella wakes up, grabs his big axe, and is like “Cool, I’m alive. Let’s get back to that awesome new home you found me.” But then his little buddy is like “Hey, I know you just almost died from your fight with Godzilla, but we kinda need you to interject here, and save him from that gargantuan killing machine, who is currently dragging Zilla’s ass across the entire city. Okay?” At which point Kong is like “Are you friggin’ serious?” And his little buddy is like “Afraid so, big guy. You up for it?” And Kong sighs heavily before agreeing “Fine. Eff it. I’ll be right back.”
Kong fairs a bit better than Godzilla did, and they briefly turn the contest into a two-on-one match before Mecha-Godzilla reclaims the advantage. Remembering that his nuclear fire breath charged up Kong’s battle axe during their fight, Godzilla blasts the axe blade again. The blade glows with energy, and Kong then uses it to fully dismember Mecha-Godzilla. Kong manages to win the final boss battle of the movie, shaking up the rankings (rock-paper-scissors style) as Godzilla defeated Kong, Mecha-Godzilla defeated Godzilla, and then Kong defeated Mecha-Godzilla.
Even after all that, Godzilla gets back up, and roars with a “We gonna throw down again, brah?” Kong, deciding to be the bigger Titan, responds “Nah, we’re cool.” and drops his axe. At which point Godzilla turns around to swim back out to sea, and Kong returns to Hollow Earth where he can finally chill out in his throne room, and do things his way. His little buddy, her scientist mom, and the disgraced scientist are also shown hanging with Kong in his true natural habitat. So, in the end, everyone got what they wanted….aside from the several thousand people unlucky enough to have their city turned into a kaiju battlefield, and whomever ends up having to pay for the several trillion dollars in property damage.
In all seriousness, though, I really enjoyed this film. If what you want to see is Godzilla vs Kong, you’re gonna get your money’s worth. If you’re looking for something more than that, you may want to look somewhere else. I did watch this both on HBO Max, when it premiered, and a second time in a movie theater. If you’re feeling brave enough, and have a nice, comfy mask, I recommend seeing it on the big screen.
In fact, I liked all four Monsterverse movies. Godzilla (2014) was the most deliberately-paced, and most “real-world.” Kong: Skull Island was the most fun. Godzilla: King Of The Monsters was the biggest spectacle. And Godzilla vs Kong felt like the most personal. You may have a hard time believing that a film can put you in the giant shoes of a titanic ape but, if you’re curious about trying, you should absolutely see this movie.
Like millions of other people, I watched Zack Snyder’s Justice League (to be referred to in this blog post as The Snyder Cut) over the weekend on HBO Max. And like almost everyone else who watched it, I’ve decided to post some thoughts.
I watched it over two nights, splitting it to about two hours each night. The chapters that it was broken up into didn’t really seem like especially natural break points, so I set my own viewing schedule, since I didn’t really have any desire to burn through four hours in one sitting. This felt like the right way to watch it to me, so my viewing experience was probably about as good as it was going to get.
I will be getting into spoilers, so consider this your warning.
Unlike Snyder, I’ll be cutting to the chase, and getting immediately into my main gripe with the movie. This thing is every minute of four hours long, and the Justice League never actually throws down with Darkseid himself. The closest they get is tossing Steppenwolf’s decapitated body through a portal to Apokalypse. At which point, Darkseid essentially grunts, shrugs, and walks away. I found this to be massively disappointing, and that sentiment was only compounded by the fact that the last time we see Darkseid, he’s gathering up his armada to invade Earth. So, we’re left with a cliffhanger of a movie that – as of the writing of this blog – there are absolutely no plans to make a sequel to.
This all begs the question of what the extra $70 million dollars, and two hours were even for? I have a hard time imagining Warner Bros agreeing to pour that amount of additional budget, and give Snyder that amount of runtime, back when this was intended to just be the first part of a trilogy. I’d figured that the extra budget, and the extra 90 – 120 minutes were given to Snyder to film some sort of completed version of his Justice League story. Sadly, I was mistaken. This really was always just going to be the mega-over-stuffed version of his first-of-three movies.
This is not a breezy four hours, I’m not even sure four hours could ever be described as “breezy” regardless of what you happen to be doing. It felt like an hour of it was filled up just with all the slow-motion shots, and the actor reactions shots that lasted twice as long as they should have. This is especially egregious in the first two hours, which may best be summed up by the fact that Batman and The Flash don’t even put their costumes on until a full two hours into the movie. Superman doesn’t show up until a half-hour later than that.
There was also some strange stuff that could have been dropped from the film without losing any effect. There is a scene where Martian Manhunter, posing as Martha Kent, visits Lois Lane and gives her the sort of familial pep talk that would make complete sense for Ma Kent to give Lois as they were both grieving the loss of Clark. Why Snyder decided it it ought to be J’onn J’onzz rather than actually Martha is fairly confounding. Are we to assume this means Martha never bothered to check in on Lois after Clark died? That seems very un-Martha-like. Martian Manhunter also shows up at the very end of the third part of the epilogue, thus making this earlier appearance redundant.
Willem Dafoe also shows up in a terrible wig, while Amber Heard shows up with a terrible faux British accent for scenes with Jason Momoa that don’t line-up with the Aquaman solo movie that came out two years ago. Dafoe’s wig was much better in the solo movie, and Heard wisely dropped the fake accent. Snyder also spend several scenes setting up a reason why S.T.A.R Labs would need to be evacuated when a giant Biohazard Warning flashes on every monitor in the building. It seems pretty self-evident that you ought to clear out of your high-tech super-science lab when you see there’s a biohazard warning, so laying that groundwork was completely unnecessary.
With all that said, this version is superior to The Whedon Cut in every way. And – I’ll even do you one better – despite everything that I wrote above, I rather enjoyed The Snyder Cut. For one thing, it’s a much more cohesive, and comprehensive (one could easily argue too comprehensive) story. Apart from my desire to see a true Darkseid vs Justice League Rumble, my expectations were pretty low, which I’m sure helped with my experience.
The Flash and Cyborg’s characters and stories are fleshed out a lot more in The Snyder Cut. In fact, my biggest surprise was that most of The Flash’s scenes were lifted almost directly from this for The Whedon Cut. My guess is that the suits at WB saw those scenes and decided they wanted the whole movie to be more like them. Meanwhile, Cyborg gets a full character arc, while also showing the audience all the things that he’s actually capable of. Not only with his cool robot-parts blaster stuff, but also in cyberspace and some sort of loosely-defined mechanical telepathy.
Steppenwolf is presented as more frighteningly bestial in The Snyder Cut, which really plays into his favor. He’s also given a motivation that is, at least, partially revealed. Apparently, he failed on some big mission that got him into the boss’s doghouse, and needs to conquer 50,000 planets to get himself back out of it. Despite my disappointment of no true Big Bad Battle, I was glad that Darkseid was actually in this movie. His presence does add an extra threat level that wasn’t really present in The Whedon Cut. The flashback to Darkseid’s first attempted invasion from thousands of years ago plays much the same as The Whedon Cut, except with Darkseid himself leading the charge. Again, having it be him rather than his leg-breaker Steppenwolf makes everything about the battle matter more.
Also, everything in The Snyder Cut is bigger, and more open then in The Whedon Cut. The battle over the Mother Box with the Amazons on Themyscira happens more in the wide-open spaces of the island. It also includes many more Amazons and Parademons, both of whom seriously boost the scale of the scene.
Big, establishing shots, and other wide shots are more prevalent in The Snyder Cut. There were several times where I had to shake my head at the amount of money the studio flushed down the toiler when they cut them from the initial theatrical release. All-in-all, it’s much less claustrophobic than The Whedon Cut. Which is a good thing, because one word you never want used to describe your massive, franchise, tent-pole film is “claustrophobic.”
The three part epilogue is one part wrap-up, one part set-up, and one part post-apocalyptic nonsense. The first part is shots of all the heroes doing their hero thing while an inspirational message that Dr. Silas Stone recorded for his son plays in the background. It was a nice little flourish with some much needed optimism after the grimdark of the proceeding 3+ hours.
The second part was a slightly different version of Deathstroke visiting a newly-escaped Lex Luthor on the latter’s yacht than we got in The Whedon Cut. The difference was that, instead of Luthor suggesting they make “a league of their own” he flat-out just tells Deathstroke that Batman is Bruce Wayne. I assume this was meant to set-up Ben Affleck’s long-since abandoned Batman solo film, and was therefore completely irrelevant.
The third part was another dream/premonition of Bruce Wayne’s that takes place in the “Knightmare” future from Batman V Superman, and that was also alluded to during Superman’s resurrection scene earlier in The Snyder Cut. By Snyder’s self-admission, it was not much more than an excuse to have Batman and the Joker share a scene together. But it’s a rather pointless scene, with eye-rolling dialogue that hints at a future that will likely never come to pass in the DC Movie Multiverse. Honestly, I felt he could have just stopped after the first part of the epilogue and left it at that.
Judging by the reception to – and apparent number eyeballs on – The Snyder Cut, I wouldn’t be completely shocked if they actually do let Zack Snyder make at least one more Justice League movie. They are starting to lean into the whole Multiverse idea, after all, so it wouldn’t have to alter the current direction of their shared continuity. But, going off of Snyder’s own description of what JL 2 and JL 3 would have looked liked, it’s probably too close to the story that was told across Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame.
In a nutshell, JL 2 would be Darkseid’s army invading and conquering Earth when Superman succumbs to the Anti-Life Equation after Lois Lane is killed. This would also result in the deaths of Wonder Woman and Aquaman, which were shown as part of Cyborg’s visions while bringing Superman back from the dead. And JL 3 would have been Cyborg sending the Flash back in-time to ensure that Batman sacrifices himself to save Lois, so Superman doesn’t lose the will to live, and leads the world, alongside also still-alive Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and Flash to victory against Darkseid. So, if there were to be more, it would need to be revised to better differentiate itself from Marvel Studios’ magnum opus. Which, after hearing some of Snyder’s other specific future plot points, is really for the best.
In the end, I guess I liked more of The Snyder Cut than I disliked. With that said, Snyder himself has again demonstrated that he doesn’t truly understand these superheroes enough to make a truly great movie with them. His Justice League Batman is eons better than his BvS version, and his Cyborg was pretty solid as well. But Patty Jenkins has a much better grasp of what people respond to about Wonder Woman. James Wan better tapped into the gonzo, fantasy adventure myth-building fun that made Aquaman finally work. And the brain trust at The CW have had better luck bringing out the traits, and stories that fans love about the Flash and Superman. Still, my opinion is that Zack Snyder’s Justice League is worth a watch. Even if that watch takes you three or four nights to complete.
I’ve updated my DC Multiverse Movies ranking list to add The Snyder Cut, and it lands right around the middle of the pack.. Whether that’s praise of this film, or a knock against the others, is the topic of a separate conversion.
I understand that the title of this post is quite lofty, but I do want to clarify one big thing regarding this statement before we begin. ‘Biggest Missed Opportunity’ is not the same as ‘Worst.’ In fact, in my own ranking of DC Movies Superman Returns landed right around the middle-of-the-pack. Also, strictly speaking, we’re not just talking about the film itself. Though that’s as good a place to start as any.
I do not hate Superman Returns, in fact I don’t really have any strong feelings about it at all. Which is part of the problem. I’ll actually start things off by discussing a few positives about the film. Brandon Routh & Kevin Spacey were both well-cast as Superman/Clark Kent and Lex Luthor. And, while Routh was a newcomer, and a pleasant surprise, Spacey’s name had been bandied about for Luthor probably dating back the 1994/95 after he scored big-time bad guy credentials with The Usual Suspects and Seven.
The film looks great, and is shot like a post-modernistic Norman Rockwell cityscape. Which works quite well for any Superman property. And there are two scenes I can think of that really captured some of what we want in a Superman movie. The first was the space shuttle rescue, where Superman made his first appearance since disappearing five years ago (in movie continuity). The other is at the start of the third act, when the earthquake triggered by Luthor’s master plan hits Metropolis, and the Man of Steel flies through the city saving lives, and stopping catastrophes.
The unfortunate thing is that there’s not much else in the movie that gets the blood pumping. By 2006 they had all the technology they needed to give Superman a worthy physical adversary. I mean, even the disastrous Superman IV: The Quest For Peace at least tried to show the audience a superfight with the Nuclear Man. The only thing that even remotely qualifies as a fight scene in Superman Returns is when a Kryptonite-weakened Superman get kicked around by Luthor and his generic goon squad.
There were some major story problems as well; some stemming from Bryan Singer wanting to make a direct sequel to Superman II. The Super Amnesia Kiss was pretty indefensible in 1980, and was only made worse 15 (actual) years later when we learned this resulted in the birth of a child. The super son story also never moved the needle for me, in and of itself.
It was very lazy to make Lex Luthor’s grand scheme a simple remix of his scheme from Superman: The Movie. Property Fetishist Lex Luthor is pretty far from the most interesting Luthor you can give us. While we’re talking about character problems, I had a big one with Superman himself.
Leaving Earth unprotected for 5 years to go see the remains of Krypton is not something I could ever imagine Superman doing. Especially since this was, once again, a direct sequel to Superman II, where three other supervillains basically conquered the Earth while Superman was hanging out in his Fortress of Solitude with his girlfriend for a week.
While on the subject of Lois Lane, I should mention that I feel it was a bad call to cast fairly blank slate Kate Bosworth in the role, especially when Kristen Bell had been out there doing a fantastic Lois for a few years already with Veronica Mars. I don’t think Bell would have saved the movie, but I feel she could have at least gotten me invested in the Superman – Lois relationship.
Again, a lot of these problems come from Singer’s irrational desire to make a sequel to a 15 year-old movie. They cast young for Superman and Lois, so why not just make this a full reboot? The smarter move would have been to essentially make Man Of Steel 7 years earlier. I have some issues that that film as well, but I feel like the instincts were right at least. Hell, they even could have used General Zod, so Singer – or whomever else they would have gotten to make the movie – could have paid homage to the old films.
But all of these issues really just resulted in a thoroughly mediocre movie. To understand the reason why I call this the biggest missed opportunity in comic book movie history, we need to look at this film’s place in history itself.
Superman as a franchise was killed in 1987 by the cheaply-made, and altogether terrible Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. Two years later Batman staked his claim as the go-to cash cow of comic book intellectual properties. It had a pair of highly successful, and fairly well-received, sequels in 1992 and 1995. But then Batman & Robin subsequently cratered out superhero movies as a whole in 1997.
One might call 1997 rock bottom for superhero movies, but it actually triggered something significantly more interesting. That something would be a full reevaluation of how to make a superhero movie. This would lead to absolutely huge things a few years later, but it all started pretty small.
In 1998, Blade showed Hollywood how to make comic book characters more appealing to a wider audience. And it did so without having to break the budget bank. It brought a darker, and more adult approach to the material.
In 2000, X-Men took that template, built it out, and gave the people an adaptation that they’d been waiting decades for. It kept the dark tones, and dark wardrobes (for better or worse). But X-Men ironed out the subject matter to bring it down from an R rating to PG-13, which opened the door for these movies to become bonafide blockbusters. I’d be remiss to not mention that Bryan Singer directed this as well, and it no doubt put him on Warner Bros’ radar.
In 2002, Spider-Man literally brightened things up, by not shying away from red and blue spandex. It smashed box office records, and is well-reviewed by critics and audiences across-the-board. This truly was the closest thing we’d ever seen to a comic book brought to live action.
In 2003 and 2004, X2: X-Men United and Spider-Man 2 show sustainability, and improvement over their respectivce predecessors. At this point, more comic book movies start hitting theaters to varying results. But, suffice to say, the revolution had begun in-earnest. I’ll note that Singer was pretty much hired directly off X2, and onto WB’s first Superman project in nearly 20 years.
In 2005, Batman Begins got DC back in the game in a big way. Blade, X-Men, Spider-Man, and even some less stellar outings such as Fantastic Four, and Ang Lee’s Hulk were Marvel properties. WB decided to hold off on jumping back into the fray until they had what they believed to be a home run. This young Batman origin story was incredibly well reviewed, and was also a box office beast. Warner Bros and DC now had a fully blank slate to carve out their new movie legacy.
This brings us to 2006. Superman Returns comes out one year after Batman Begins, and cast a young actor as Superman. This was the golden ticket, the lost city of El Dorado, the chance to set a new course for the future of filmmaking, and a shared universe 3 years before Marvel would even start planting those seeds. The two most recognizable superheroes on the planet could finally share a movie screen together, and break fandom wide open.
Here’s the thing, WB/DC didn’t even have the same obstacles that Marvel Studios did. Warner Media owned the film rights to every single DC character. Unlike Marvel who had sold the film rights for their most popular characters: Spider-Man, the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four.
And with the WB Studio backing them, they didn’t even have to take the same sort of massive financial gamble that Marvel did to bankroll Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk in 2008. They could have easily given us the first ever truly shared cinematic universe filled with some of the most popular characters in pop culture history.
Instead, they made a sequel to a 15 year-old movie, and made no attempt to tie it to any other characters. Not even a wink, or a shout-out. The first time we saw multiple Marvel heroes together on-screen was Iron Man, War Machine, and Black Widow in Iron Man 2 in 2010. But, we could have seen Superman and Batman together on-film before then. And it wouldn’t have been too hard to roll out Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, and any other character they so pleased before the Avengers ever assembled in 2012.
This was most likely due to a lack of foresight, or even straight-up creativity, by the suits running WB. But, had a filmmaker come to them with a stronger pitch to start working toward a universe shared by Superman, Batman, and countless other superheroes and supervillains, then maybe he or she could have opened some minds.
2008 brought us The Dark Knight, which is a great movie. But it’s not like we couldn’t have had that, along with a Superman / Batman movie in 2007 or 2009. Don’t get me wrong, I love the MCU. And, regardless of what WB/DC did, I would not want to see Disney and Marvel do anything different with their shared universe. I’m not looking for a replacement, I’m just looking for more of a good thing.
It was 2016 before we ever saw Batman and Superman in a live action movie together. If Superman Returns is my choice for biggest missed opportunity in comic book movie history, Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice is my choice for most disappointing film in comic book movie history.
Warner Bros and DC seem to have found their groove a bit more with recent releases like Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and SHAZAM after a rocky period stemming from the fallout of BvS. I’m personally hoping they can stay the course this time, and finally give us the connected DC movie universe (or multiverse, I suppose) that we’ve been waiting nearly 20 years for. But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop wondering what it could have looked like if they’d taken that big swing when they had their first shot at glory.
“It’s Deadwood, but with Kung Fu!” I’d bet dollars-to-donuts that was the elevator pitch for the Cinemax (now HBO Max) series ‘Warrior.’ And, if that’s enough to get you to watch it, then my work here is done. But if you need more reasons, then I’ll do my best to provide them below. I’ll state this right off-the-bat, I’ll be going into some spoilers, but nothing that should affect your enjoyment of – or investment in – the show.
Here’s the jumping off point: Ah Sahm arrives in 1870’s San Francisco from China. When confronted with some racist dickweeds, he promptly whoops their asses with ease. This puts a damper on his plans to take a job as a “coolie” – a derogatory term for an unskilled laborer – building railroad tracks.
Fortunately for him, Wang Chao pulls him away from the ruckus with a seemingly better deal. Chao is that character you find in these types of stories who knows everyone, plays every side, and always has an exit plan in his back pocket. His exit plan for Ah Sahm, less fortunately for him, involves selling the man to the Hop Wei to serve as a “hatchet man” or enforcer.
The Hop Wei is a Tong, essentially a Chinese crime family, who are currently in the midst of navigating their way around two other Tongs in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Father Jun is the hard-ass head of the family. But his son, Young Jun, takes an immediate liking to Ah Sahm when he finds out just how well he can “Scrap.” Scrapping is fighting and, yes, some of the vernacular of the period gets a bit overplayed (especially another one that I’ll get to shortly). But that’s just a small complaint.
Young Jun is a bit restless, and has a tough time keeping his thoughts about maybe being more fit to run the Hop Wei than his father is to himself. At any rate, he promptly takes Ah Sahm to the local hot spot (i.e brothel) run by Ah Toy. At the brothel is where we learn one more, very colorful term that you’ll hear a lot – “getting sticky.” Considering where they are when you hear this euphemism, you can likely figure out what it means. Ah Sahm bonds pretty quickly with Ah Toy, who has a very cool after-hours hobby of her own that I won’t spoil here. But she earns Ah Sahm’s trust enough to learn the reason why he came to Chinatown: To find his sister.
It doesn’t take long for his to find his sister in the last place he’d expect. She’s (unofficially) running one of the other Tongs: The Long Zii. Mai Ling fled to America years before to escape an arranged marriage to an abusive warlord. A marriage she was forced into to save Ah Sahm’s life, which she is absolutely nurturing a big-time grudge over. But she’s also planning to take down the Hop Wei using group of people who might as well be gangsters: The politicians.
Mai Ling has secret meetings with Walter Buckley, who is running his own schemes alongside the fairly incompetent Mayor Samuel Blake. Blake is married to Penny, in an arrangement not unlike Mai Ling’s. Penny’s formerly wealthy father’s business has been free-falling, so she volunteered to marry the mayor in order to get a city contract to pump back up her father’s financials. The wheelings and dealings of city officials, and broke businessmen bring us back around to cheap labor, and coolies. Which, in-turn, bring us to the truest villains of the story.
The Irish laborers have fallen on hard times, and are not helped by the fact that the Chinese are willing to work for a lot less money. Coupled with the fact that the manufacturers are more-then-willing to pay as little as possible, makes for a lethal combination. There is a level of vicious racism on display here that, up until recent years, we were happy to pretend no longer existed in this country. The silver lining is that we get to watch these guys get kicked in the face pretty regularly by Ah Sahm, and others.
The exception to this is the character meant to singularly represent all this heinous bigotry, and “patriotic” fury: Dylan Leary. Leary is an undefeated bare-knuckles boxer in his spare time, though most of his free time is spent riling up anyone without earshot about the Chinese “parasites” who don’t belong in this country, and are stealing their livelihoods. This line of bullshit probably sounds all-too familiar these days, as people like Leary still exist today, and will never stop sounding the drums of a race war.
Putting the least amount of effort possible into preventing this race war, the city creates a Chinatown Squad that consists of all of five cops. Only two of these cops really matter to the story. The first is Sgt. “Big Bill” O’Hara, who’s seen more than his share of Chinatown vices. Most of which comes from his own gambling addiction that puts him in the crosshairs of the Fung Hai Tong. O’Hara is your classic used-to-be-a-good-cop who will eventually find his way into trying-to-be-a-good-cop-again territory thanks to the other pertinent member of the Chinatown Squad: Officer Richard Lee.
Officer Lee is a transplant from the south, who made his way so far from home for reasons that are addressed near the end of season 1. He’s a good deal more open-minded than pretty much any other white character on the show, besides Penny, which is a bit of a twist considering his geographic origins. He also dabbles in some shockingly modern crime scene investigation techniques. If there was one character besides Ah Sahm who could support their own show, it would probably be Lee.
Ironically, Lee was likely given his name as an homage to the man who wrote the actual original pitch for the show: Bruce Lee. ‘Warrior’ was something he tried to get off the ground back in the early-70’s, but it never happened. I expect this was due to America not being ready for a TV show with a predominantly Asian cast at the time, and Lee’s own tragic, untimely death. But his daughter Shannon Lee is a producer, and she’s brought along the creative team from another Cinemax show that featured weekly ass-beatings: ‘Banshee’
Which bring us full circle back to the Kung Fu. If that long list of characters and their relationships to one another seems a bit dense, fear not, it’s all dished out in easily digestible segments between awesome scrapping, and getting sticky. The fight choreography is as good, if not better, than anything I’ve ever seen on TV, and they give you two or three of these fight scenes every episode. I mentioned Deadwood earlier, but the way the characters speak to one another is more akin to the lighter, snappier dialogue of Justified (itself a modern western).
The title of this blog post is Going to War For ‘Warrior.’ But really, the war in this case is just to sit back, fire up your HBO Max, and plow through the first two seasons that you find there. It was recently re-located from Cinemax, and not yet renewed for a third season. I expect they’re waiting to see how many eyeballs they can get on the show before decided whether or not to renew.
So do yourself a favor, and get your eyeballs on one of the most purely entertaining TV shows that I’ve watched in years.
